Tomorrow morning I will receive my second PET Scan. The first one measured the size and exact location of my tumors. This one will show if the tumors are gone. I'm thinking positively as the thought of more chemo or radiation is too depressing.
I was not really prepared for the length of time my full recovery would take. I don't know if the medical staff hesitates to fully explain this to cancer patients or if it's just that I was always very healthy. Mostly, I feel pretty good, but my body is still battling back. The hair on one side of my chest hasn't starting growing back yet. Viola says it looks a little like Victor/Victoria when I have my shirt off. My mouth burns a little all the time and I wear down by the end of the day. But I am constantly grateful to be alive.
I notice natural beauty more now. Riding home on the bus, I saw the most spectacular cloud formations as we dropped down into Sausalito heading north. There were three distinct layers- a high fog wrapping over the mountains, above it was a layer of clouds that looked like cotton balls, and up high was a wind-blown layer of whispy clouds that looked they had been created by the hand of a Japanese brush painter. I stared in awe at the wonder of weather. What could be better than to simply view this out of the window of my bus? Next to me a young man was glued to his cell phone engaged in an argument over nothing as important as the view out the window. His loud voice really didn't bother me, but I wanted to tell him to turn off his phone and look at what he was missing. You are alive -- appreciate it!
I am still getting a grasp on this huge event in my life. What it means to be a cancer survivor, knowing that each day I enjoy and witness things I might have never experienced.
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