I feel like I've been in a small car for seven or eight hours -- and I still have an hour and a half to go. The scenery is no longer interesting. Nobody in the car has anything left to say. I just want to get there and relax...but I'm not there yet. I have to keep driving.
I haven't been posting as frequently and discovered that many of you noticed. I am very tired and obviously, I'm ready to arrive at my destination. While my treatment ends this week, my recovery continues. It will be two and a half months before I can have another PET scan to see if the cancer is gone. It will take that long for the cells damaged by radiation to complete their healing process. The PET scan can't distinguish growing cells, cancerous or not.
It is hard to judge how I feel at this point. I am very tired and my eyes often burn like when I have been over-tired and trying to stay awake. My tongue still hurts,
especially after eating, but I can taste chocolate and I am glad to report it is wonderful. I felt better this past weekend sitting in my easy chair and watching the rain. When the sun is out, I want to garden but don't have the energy to do it for long. I break into a sweat easily when it seems as if I haven't really done much of anything.
The assaults on my body will soon cease and I can begin to heal this battered body. I now practice my guitar for a few minutes a day. Practice will build the calluses on my fingertips again, and time and activity will strenghten my back muscles to garden. In a few weeks, my leg muscles will be ready to take on the hills of San Francisco. Just the other day, I realized that I will ride a bicycle again soon, a thought that sent my spirits soaring.
In the meantime, the moody weather suits me just fine. I have time to think about living again--and I can't wait for it to be effortless.
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